Ready

I didn’t think I wasn’t ready
I wasn’t thinking if I was ready
I spent too long
Keeping myself
Steady

Hidden away, tall on cold stone
Darkness and crisp air
Snowmelt rushing below

Searing inside, I escape
Manly eyes and meat filled plates
A bible under each pillow
Familiar in all the wrong ways
This time, they call for me

Echoing through the woods
I turn and freeze
Peering into the darkness,
They yell, “come back”
“We know what’s best”

My lover, no
My friend, who doesn’t know
Says this is normal, that
This man likes to disappear
On walks, and will return

Rushing water calls louder
A frigid, final current
Carrying me to solace
Instead, my feet turn
Damned persistence
Waiting to die though not yet
Wanting to die but unwilling

Now, found by a love
I didn’t know existed
The snowmelt still calls
Louder sounds drown
Cries for solitude and embrace
Of an uncomplicated life

Yet so mired by the dissonance
Of flawed, irreparable humanity

Love conquers some
But terrifies me,
I’m still not ready